My Robin
by theamazingmo
Summary: Plan Making Mr. HotandSexyTrousers Fall in Love with Me has been set in motion' Humorous tale of a lurrrve dilema between Lily's best friend Kayla and TWO of the Marauders! Which will she chose?WARNING: IMMATURITY AHEAD! LJ,SBOC,RLOC.
1. Mr Hot and Sexy Trousers

A/N: Yay! My second fic on SQUEE No I have not completely forgot about United We Stand, but I have writers block on that one, and this one is OH so much funner to write. Yes, I do have _wonderful_ grammatical skills.

I will say this now so people don't get the wrong impression.

THIS IS NOT A MARY-SUE! If you want to read that, than go read my LiveJournal account. Infact, even if you don't want to read a Mary-Sue, go read my LiveJournal because I have all of 2 LJ buddies at the moment, which is just sad…

My sense of humor is bluntly-physcotic-crazily-random-crap most of the time, but hopefully you will find it at least slightly funny. Just incase you ask, NO I am NOT an American, but am a poor little Canadian stuck in the middle of British and American customs. I am sorry if I sound like and American, I am trying my best to learn to talk-er-write like a Brit so all you tea-drinking twits don't flame me. Jkjk! I still find it odd to use the word 'trousers' to refer to pants, but I guess in England, pants mean underwear, and I wouldn't want you all to think that I was some sick sort of pervert. Thank you thank you thank you to Procrastinator-starting2moro for betaing!

Disclaimer: I own Kayla and the plot, but anything else, is strictly JK's. Duh.

**Chapter 1: Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers**

Oh yes.

There he is, running his fingers through his deliciously sexy dark hair.

"Kayla? Hello…KAYLA!"

"Wha…" I turned my head to face my socially-challenged best friend Lily or Lilsies as I prefer to call her. It drives her insane, which is a truly wonderful thing. As you can see, I'm dreadfully immature myself, so therefore, socially challenged as well. No wait, scratch that. Most people find my immaturity to be a hoot. It's just the men that challenge me. And some women…

No I was so kidding just there. Yes I was. Yes I was. Yes I was. Shut up.

Lily and I are stuck in History of Magic class, which happens to be the sleeping pill from the whatevereth century, seeing as I'm not quite sure how long Binns has been around. I don't even know why I'm taking this class anyway. We're sixth years, and perfectly entitled to take whatever courses we want.

Oh yeah, now I remember. We're taking it because, really, it's a complete joke, and oh so easy to get good grades in if you even remotely pay attention, which no one bothers to anyway. Lilsies and I usually just end up staying up all night before tests and reciting our text book using funny voices for different historical figures. We make a party out of it, so it's quite fun. Don't get me wrong, we're not like that all the time. We do actually care about school, it's just that we don't really have to try in this class, so therefore, we don't.

Okay, nevermind. Lying again. Lilsies just happens to be insanely naturally intelligent. I swear she's got one of those photographic mind thingies. I, on the other hand, am dreadfully stupid. Lilsies, however, refuses to give up on me. In third year, she tied me to a chair and beat me with a spoon until I finished my potions essay. She's just given up on the corporal punishment, and moved on to more relaxed methods of tricking me into actually studying.

So seeing as I really, don't have anything better to do right now, I've been staring at the back of Sirius Black's sexy head for the last 7 minutes exactly.

No wait.

…

Eight now.

"Kayla!"

"Ow. Bitch." Dear old Lilsies just whacked me under the table with the tip of her freakishly pointy pumps. I don't even know why she wears those things anyway. They're hideous. I wonder what she'll do if I tell her so. Probably kick me even harder. Oh well, worth a try.

"Why the fuck did you kick me with your hideously ugly orthopedic weapons?" Ouch. Well, guess I was right there.

"They're not ugly! And I kicked you because you are not answering me you bum!"

"Hey, I'm not the one wearing the shoes that looked like they came from a 17th century Salvation Army shop, so I wouldn't go calling me a bum."

"Smart. Smart. Who are you staring at anyway? I could practically see drool dripping from your face. Oh, it better not be Potter! Please don't like him! I don't want to have to kill you too!"

"Eww. Potter's my good chum, that'd be like dating my cousin. Oh so now you support incest! What kind of sick garbage-collecting fool are you?"

"Stop avoiding the subject, and tell me! I'll find out anyway."

Oh yeah, that's what she thinks. I have hidden it from her for a year, and now she thinks she's gonna magically read my mind, and find out this deep dark secret which I have never told anyone, and never will.

"No one."

"Please. I know it was one of those batty old bums over there. Which one? Oh god, not Sirius. Remus maybe? Not Peter…"

See, that is exactly why I cannot tell her. That reason right there! And it's all her bloody-well fault anyway. See, I didn't really get to know Lily that well until after second year because I had hung out with some other friends most of the time. She was just an acquaintance, as were the Marauders. See, both Lilsies and I are muggleborns, and during that summer, our parents shipped us off to the same summer camp. We got to be good friends, and started hanging out more during the school year. By the end of third year, we were stuck together worse than the moon to its orbit. We went to each other's houses over the summer, and it happened to be that same summer that we discovered James's uncontrollable crush on Lily.

Even though Lily hated James because of his over-inflated ego, which he still sports proudly, I got to know him quite well because of having to constantly be messenger girl between Lily and Potter. I actually had a bit of a crush on him when I first met him, but then his true battiness came right on out, and he lost all of his small bit of cutesiness, to me anyway. I don't know a single girl between the fourth and seventh years that doesn't think that he's gorgeous, except dear mad old Lily. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he's ugly, I just think of him more as a 'partner in crime' rather than possible dating prey. But I just simply can't understand why Lily hates him so much. Other than having a balloon for a head, which, let's face it, every sixteen-year-old boy does, he's practically the male version of me. And I'm her best friend! In fact she did once tell me, that if she was a lesbian, she would totally date me…

Okay so she may have been a little tipsy because, let's face it, we all get pretty bored over the summer, so I spiked her drink one time when everyone was hanging out at my house.

Or maybe a little bit more than tipsy because I later found out that James had poured her a cup of water from the wonderfully _glass_ water jug. Yes, the glass water jug that happened to be filled with vodka, and happened to say 'Britain's Best Fire Whiskey' on the side. But I don't blame him because I think he may have actually believed Sirius when he told him to smoke some grass that he 'honestly just found in the backyard.'

Grass my ass. My poor little house reeked for hours afterwards, and I had to pay my little brother ₤20 not to say anything to my parents! That is the one time when I have actually been reasonably angry with Mr. Sirius. My parents are police officers, and if they were to come back to a house smelling like weed, well, let's just say that I'd probably run away and throw myself in the slammer than to trust them with decent punishment. Needless to say, that was the last time I ever invited the Marauders over to my house, until the next week of course.

Somehow, during fourth year, during all the politics of teen flirting strategies, Lily became quite good friends with Sirius. I don't know how, as they have nothing in common.

Well, wait. They do have one thing, their obsession with comics. Lilsies was enthralled with the concept of the animated comics sold in wizard joke shops, and Sirius found it _extremely _funny that when you poked the bad guy in muggle comics, he did _not_ breathe fire on you and scorch your finger. This along with Sirius' constant asking out of Lily for James led them to have a very strange friendship, which is why Lilsies refers to Sirius often as her 'maddeningly-annoying-prat-of-a-brother-that-she-never-had'.

Anyway, after fourth year, for Lilsies' birthday party, she invited all of her friends from school, which included Sirius, which meant that all four of the batty bums showed up on her doorstep on August 15th. Lily, stupid child that she is, decided to have a pool party in her back yard. Well, I was in the house using the ladies room, and as I walk out the patio door, I see this _divine_ figure walking along the poolside. Then he turned around and shouted "KK's gonna join us, or do I have to use my manly physical power?"

Yes. It was Sirius.

At first I was shocked. When the hell did Sirius become…sexy?

Who was I kidding? This was the insane, crazy boy who peeped under the stalls in the girl's bathroom any time he could. He stole my bras and walked around the common room sporting them over top of his clothes, stuffed with Kleenex! I had helped him plan out new 'moves' to use on his latest fancy! I thought I must have just been going insane from all the…lack of sun exposure in the past rainy week, but sure, enough, every time I saw that bum after that, I always saw him differently. From that point on, he was no longer Sirius the perverted ass.

He was _Sirius._ Aka, Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers. At least in my mind he was.

"GOD DAMNIT KAYLA!"

"WHAT?"

"You haven't spoken in the past two minutes. I asked you a question!"

"Oh. Sorry."

All of last year, I hid my feelings well. Always just being friendly and nothing more. Rejection was my greatest fear. When he would give me a hug, I'd hug back, and inside, I was screaming with joy. I knew I couldn't do anything about the growing crush, because a) Lily would kill me, and b) she would kill me using violent methods.

"…_know who it is! Sirius told me…found you sitting on Peter's bed…towel …"_

Ok, ok, so there really is no reason apart from my own fear why I haven't done anything about it, but that is one, big reason. I know, I know, if I wanted it badly enough, than Lily's murdering of me wouldn't matter, and I should have just risked it because if it didn't work out then, fine, I could move on. But my mind doesn't work like that. The way I see it, is…

"…w_hy!...see in him?...gross little boy…"_

Stealth.

"_…fat little boy…sexy?...right?"_

I shall use stealth to capture the stupid boy that ran away with my heart.

_"I'm right aren't I?"_

That is my goal for this year. And I will set my plan in motion tonight. It's the first weekend back, so we're sure to have some sort of party. That is where I will make my move. But first I will need to make some preparations for plan Make Mr. Hot-And-Sexy-Trousers Fall in Love with Me. I'll start them tonight. I'm sure James will let me borrow the map to get to Hogsmeade.

"KAYLA!"

"What?"

"Oh never mind. That's the bell."

"No, what?"

"Nothing. What do you want to do tonight?"

I wanna make out with Sirius. Of course, I can't tell her that.

"Let's just focus on dinner right now. I'm dying of starvation."

"Ladies, ladies. Shall we escort you to dinner?"

I think I just died and went to heaven. Did Sirius Black just ask us if we wanted to go to dinner with them?

"Why, of course, dear gentlemen." Lily hooks her arm into Sirius' and walks off down the hall. That bitch just stole my future husband! I scowl, and grumble, making James, who is doing likewise beside me, make a confused face.

"What's up your bum? The love of your life didn't just get snatched from right below your nose did she? By your best friend on top of that. God, I swear, someday, I _will_ end up murdering that pansy little snark-ass!" I laugh, because of the irony of his question. I would love to just shout at him, 'Yes! That's exactly what happened you dung ball! You're not the only one in this world with a sucky love life, and back-stabbing friends to boot!'

Instead, I go for a cheerier note. "She? What are you implying Mr. Potter?" As I hook my arm in his, and skip off down the hall.

"Oh nothing, nothing. I'm just saying, you know. Never had a boyfriend…doesn't seem all too much interested in boys at all. More fascinated by Quidditch and pranks..."

I punch him in the arm. It's not the first time that he's made such a remark. I'm beginning to wonder if all boys view me this way. "Just because I haven't found a satisfactory boy yet to waste my thoughts, time, and sanity on, does not mean I instead prefer women! And I'll have you know, that I finally have picked out a fish to go after, which is why I need to borrow the map tonight to get to Hogsmeade."

"Oh-ho! Who might the -cou-unlucky-gh- bastard be?"

"Oh hardy ha ha ha! I'm not telling, so don't bother asking."

"Fine then. But why do you have to go to Hogsmeade?"

"Well, in interest of…pursuing this 'unlucky bastard', I need to pick up a few things."

"Oh, like that paste stuff that girls put on their faces!"

"Yes."

"Well, we can't have you going alone at night. I say you need a knight of the shining escorts!"

"You mean a knight in shining armor for an escort?"

"Exactly! Remus good buddy old pal!"

Remus walks up to us, Peter trailing behind. Remus is tall, and skinny, but nevertheless, quite attractive. I just don't see him in my mind, however, as anything in comparison to Sirius. Remus is quiet, and likes his books. Very contrasting from the rest of the Marauders. He's the responsible one, always lecturing them about one thing or another. There's rumors going around that he may be gay.

"What's up Prongs?"

"This young lady here needs a knight of the shining escorts for tonight on a trip to Hogsmeade! I thought you could maybe take her!"

"Well, sure. Sounds good. Seven then? At the one-eyed witch statue?"

"James, I really don't need-"

"Nonsense KKs! Seven it is!" James bolts over to Remus, and drags him backwards from the group. As James has abandoned me, Peter waddles up to me, and grunts a hello. I glance back down the hall where James and Remus are talking. Remus has his head in his hands, and James is talking quietly, while making large hand gestures at the same time.

"Don't pay any attention to them. You look very pretty today, by the way…"

Gah! Peter's hand is on my bottom! Then little shrimp isn't even looking at my face as he's saying it! He's so short that, if he's to turn his head to look at me, but not raise it at all, he's looking exactly where you don't want any boy to look.

Especially a pervert like him! I've never really had a decent conversation with Peter, he's always off by himself, or in a corner somewhere. No I'm really wondering what he's doing off by himself for so many hours…

"Um…I…forgot something…in the common room!" I run off before he can say anything in reply.

God, now I'm going to have to take a shower before I do anything else.

Imagine. Violated by a midget!

Half an hour later, Lily shows up in out room. The nice person that she is, she's brought me back some food. The first question she asks is why I wasn't at dinner. As soon as I mention the name Peter, she squeals, and asks what happened. But before I can explain, she shouts again.

"See! I was right!"

"Right? About what?"

"Oh god, remember? In History of Magic class?"

Shit. I don't remember anything from that class. I was too busy staring at Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers. And daydreaming about our wedding…

Daydreaming has bad consequences.

"So I was right, wasn't I?"

Yes or No. This is a yes or no question. 50/50 chance that I will answer right.

"Um…yes?"

"Ha! I knew it! I'm always right after all. But eeeew! I can't believe it!"

"Can't believe what?"

"That you like Peter you dumb ass! Honest to god, what do you see in him?"

Shit.

No! Always say no!

"Um…he's cute…in…a…way…"

Wow, I've really dug myself into a hole this time. Lilsies will now go crazy, trying to get me to ask him out. Hinting to him that I like him even thought I DON'T! I remember when I had a crush on Theodore Brown in fourth year. She ruined everything! I never even had a chance…

Another reason why I will NEVER tell her about Sirius!

Oh my god. She's going to make me go out with Peter.

Peter's going to be my boyfriend.

I'm going to have to marry Peter and have his babies!

My entire life is flashing before my eyes…


	2. Enter Balloon Boy

Disclaimer: I own all OC characters and the plot. I do not own any of the Harry Potter Books, ect., blah, blah, blah.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I was unsure whether to continue, but, I have decided to continue. If you didn't already know that then you are mentally challenged because if I had decided not to continue, then you would not be reading this!

Have fun!

**Chapter 2:**

**Enter…Balloon Boy **

Of course, dinner in my room with Satan's Spawn, aka Lilsie darling, went just oh so fantastical. Could not have been better. Abso-bloody-lutely marv.

Or not. You should know by now, that I use humor as a defence mechanism, which means that when I am depressed, I use humor to cheer myself up. And since I use humor so unsparingly, you could say that the majority of my tres, tres mal life is depressing.

She went on and on and on and on about how she would make Peter fall in love with me. She has some deranged idea that she will be able to set the two of us up.

As I would ever go out on an actual date with Peter! He touched my bum, and I certainly did NOT give him permission to touch my bum

But which is worse, actually telling her the truth, or letting her go on thinking…er…what her own mind has somehow made up?

If I told her that I liked Sirius, she would probably lose her head. She would run off to her comic book pal, and blab. Well, she might not blab directly. She would probably use some strange analogy about Spiderman and Wonder woman or something. Sirius may not be the brightest bloke on the block, but I have a feeling he would find out one way or another.

Now my dreadfully insane friend is going on about different kinds of flowers and what they mean. She says I should send Peter some red roses because they mean love and affection. Oh as if.

"Lily, I don't have the money to waste on bloody flowers."

"Oh, but it would ever so lovely! I can just see it now…"

I finally managed to pull myself off of my bed, and stretch my arms in the air. If I am made to date Peter, I may never leave the safety of my own bed again. Mind you, if I am made to date Peter, the midget perv might not want to leave either…

Ewww.

Right, I shall go to the library before Hogsmeade to look up some pervert-repelling charms. It is my immediate priority that I instate defence mechanisms on my bed to make sure that Dirty McPerv can never bother me there. Even if the staircase does reject males, James has been invading our dorm constantly since last year, so it musn't be that difficult to get past.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your matchmaking plans, but I must be going."

"Where are you off to now?"

"The library, then Hogsmeade. I need to pick up some…things."

"Kayla Karen-Kasha Kyhruzolpakovski don't you _dare_ go wandering off premises! I'm a prefect, and I reserve the right to give you a detention. Besides, what are you looking for, to get killed?"

I cringed as she used my full name. My poor mother must have been delusional from the pain of childbirth when she named me. Either that or my name confirms the fact that my parents simply hate me. Who names their child three names with the initials K.K.K.K? I was the laughing stalk of the entire school for the first few months of first year. Add in the fact that McGonagall couldn't even pronounce my last name right, and that makes for a simply wonderful start at a new and strange school for a small eleven year-old. And you can now see why I have been dubbed 'KK'_s _by none other than Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers himself. You want to know what all those K's stand for?

Alright, but you asked! Kayla is my mother's favourite name. She has told me countless times that she has wanted to name her child Kayla since she was a young girl of about fourteen. See what I mean by delusional? Who picks out their kid's names at fourteen? Still, it wouldn't have even been that bad if she had just married some other bloke whose surname wasn't 'the name that is impossible to pronounce by the rest of humanity.' Karen and Kasha are the names of both of my grandmother's. And Kyhruzolpakovski is the name of some poor Polish bloke who obviously went _insane_ because of his _name_ that was the CURSE RELEASED UPON THE WORLD!

The only slight silver lining is that no one bothers to even attempt to address me by my last name only. I doubt that anyone in the entire school could even come close to spelling it correctly, let alone saying it. So hence, why I am known as Kayla, KK's, That Girl With The Huge Name, or, my personal favourite, 'Mudblood' by all the Slytherins.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I say that there was a silver lining. I must have been mistaken, because THERE ISN'T ONE!

Back to the current over-protectiveness that Lilsies is currently displaying. "If you try to give me a detention, I will lock you in the broom cupboard in the South Tower with _Potter_. You know no one ever goes up there, so I expect you would be stuck alone to his mercy for a good few hours. Is that what you want?"

"You wouldn't!"

"I would. And besides, I'm not going alone, so don't bother getting your knickers in a twist dearie."

"Oh? So who are you going with? Are you going with Peter?"

Bloody Merlin, not this again. "No. Remus is going with me."

Lily became slightly exasperated at this. I thought that perhaps, her head might explode, which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. "Y-You're going with Reums? you're a naughty girl! You're cheating on Peter!"

"I am not cheating on Peter. I am not dating him!"

Lilsies eyes suddenly grew wide, as if she had suddenly discovered the counter-curse to the Avada Kedavra "Oh-ho! I have figured you out little missy! _You_ just wanted me to _think _that you liked Peter! That way, you could just swoop in, and start dating Remus! I think you should calm down and let me settle things, you don't deal with boys very well."

Oh, do I ever want to hit her. I want to hit her. I want to hit her. But I shan't, because I am a very nice person.

And did I say Lily was intelligent? Well, you must know by now, that she is just school-smart. The poor thing has no common sense whatsoever. I personally believe that common sense is a very important part of life. For example…erm…well, it's very important anyway! That is the one reason why I believe I shall be more successful in life than smarty-knickers Lilsies. And also because she is a tart. And I am…less of a tart, however still quite tart-ful.

All of a sudden, a brilliant idea came to my mind! Why didn't I think of this sooner? Oh well, I suppose Lily's tart-i-ness did help my wonderfully wonderful brain come up with this wonderful idea. Did I mention that I can sometimes, okay scratch that, almost always, be egotistical? No? Well, now you know. Hence why I refer to myself as the male version of the biggest balloon-headed male to strut the planet, aka James Potter dearest. "I am afraid, dearest Lily, that yes, you, unfortunately, have figured out my plan. I suppose I am just simply too stupid to outwit you, and you shall be the next Queen of the Tart-dome-erm…World."

She normally would have hit me for that previous comment; however, she is oblivious to all insults I throw her way under such circumstances.

"So you DO like Remus!"

I, stupidly, in hindsight, agreed to go along with Lilsies' mental ideas. After all, which would be worse, her setting me up with Peter, or Remus? Remus is nice after all, and not at all a perverted dunce, like some _others,_ whom I will not name. And it isn't as if he isn't attractive, I just…sigh…no one will ever be Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers but Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers himself. So, shaking my straight-as-a-whip dark brown hair backwards, and pulling it into a pony, I stupidly replied, "Duh. And I thought you were intelligent Lilsies!"

"Well! We can't have you going off to Hogsmeade with him looking like that! SIT!" The mad tart lady shoved me down into a chair in front of the vanity in our dorm room. "Well, I suppose your hair is alright, though we'll have to do something with it. Oh my! We MUST do something about those monstrosities residing on your forehead!"

Fuck. This is going to be just the ever loveliest evening of my life. Doesn't being tortured by your best friend using violent methods, then being shipped off on a date with some boring bloke whom you have no interest in whatsoever sound fun?

I didn't think so either. By the way, the 'monstrosities' she is referring to, are my eyebrows. My lovely Polish heritage has dealt me those hideous things, as well as gorilla arms and legs, boring hair, and not to forget my horrible name that we have already discussed. Yes, my tart of a mother just had to choose to marry into the man that carried all of the world's worst genes with him.

"Lily Martha Evans, if you so much as touch my precious monstrosities, you will wish you'd never been born."

"Oh, don't be a baby, it won't hurt a bit!"

"Oh, you mean like last time? I really don't want to have to bite you again!"

"Now really, it would make your whole appearance look a lot more put-together if you would just let me-"

"Lily, I will let you fix my eyebrows the day that you go out on a date with James Potter. How does that sound?"

Lily made a strange huffing noise before settling for fixing my hair, and applying pore-clogging paste to my already not-so-nice face. If only there were some kind of paste to make my monstrosities appear less…promiscuous.

Half an hour later, I reached full-fledged tart status. My hair was ridiculously piled on top of my head, and had been curled by the insane Lily, herself. I had ridiculous sparkles spread all over my face, and my lips looked as if someone had cut them open and blood has spilled everywhere. Yes, the make-up genius was not very well coordinated.

"Now, I think we should perhaps go with a lighter shade of lipstick, don't you Kayla?"

"I think it would be wise to remove the excess lipstick from my _chin_ first of all, _then_ we can ask that question."

"Well, I'm sorry, but you were moving about so."

She is right. I was doing my best to avoid the cursed lipstick. I had a rather unfortunate incident with the Tart Queen's, also known as _mother's _lipstick when I was a tyke. It was a dark red colour, and I suppose I must have thought it was some sort of crayon for drawing on people, smart child that I was. Anyways, I got hold of it, and decided to…erm…illustrate myself. To say the least, I was an odd pink-coloured child for a few days afterwards, and was not willing to repeat the incident.

"Well, are you just going to leave it like that? I'm sure Lu-_Remus_ will find this _very_ attractive."

"Well, of course…except, it won't come off."

Here we go again. I am going to be the pink-chinned student of Hogwarts. I am going to be sent to social hell.

"You're a bloody witch! You must know some way!"

"Erm…Alright, I suppose I could try a spell."

No wait! I take that back, what if she ends up turning all of me pink or something! "Wait-no Lily don't!"

Too late.

She pointed her wand at my mouth before saying, "Scourgify!"

My poor mouth filled up with bubbles.

"Aaauuuu! Wiiiiwwiiii!" I spit out the bubbles. "Honestly, how can you be so intelligent, yet such a dunce at the same time!"

"I'm so sorry." She has pressed her lips together tight. I know that look, She is rolling over laughing inside.

"Well, you can just shut up inside! Don't you know that that's a house cleaning spell! It's not for people! How would you like it if I poured dish soap down your throat!"

"Erm…the lipstick is gone."

"Well it better be. I'll be going now, I wouldn't want to be late."

"Wait! You can't go wearing that! For goodness sake!"

What am I, a human Barbie doll? Lilsies reached into her closet pulling out the most revealing clothes I have ever laid eyes on. When I say that my usual attire outside of school consists of sweat pants and a t-shirt, that should make you understand that I was not pleased that Lilsies expected me to go prancing around in a skirt that came above the knees, or, dare I say, a shirt that showed my shoulders. I looked at her. I needn't speak, because I know dear Lilsies knows that this particular look means 'when hell freezes over!' What? I couldn't very well say 'when pigs fly,' because we all know that a titchy little first year could make a pig fly! "How could you expect me to ever wear something so…so…feminine?"

"Kayla! Honestly, you cannot wear jeans and your old football t-shirt on a date!"

"But I like football!"

"Well, too bad. Tonight, you will actually be dressing like a girl. Now, I'll be nice and let you wear the jeans," I gave a sigh of relief. "_but _you must wear this shirt." She tossed me a green shirt. It actually looked all right, until I turned it over.

Sparkles. Everywhere.

What is with that girl and sparkles? Honestly! "Why do you insist on torturing me! Why can't you just save your malice for Potter?"

Of course, it is at this very moment when Balloon Boy himself bursts into our dormitory. Lily shrieks, and of course chucks her excuse-for-clothes back into the closet without the slightest hint of subtlety. Me, I was the lucky girl who happened to be in the middle of changing her shirt, which I had gracefully spilled mashed potatoes on earlier. I am wearing nothing but my Hogwarts skirt, and my favourite old bra with blue polka dots. Old is not necessarily good when it means there is a noticeable tear in a place where you would not want a tear to reside.

Merlin, why do I even bother?

"POTTER! Get out of our dorm THIS instant! How did you even get up here, you vile little boy!" Of course, even though Lily is fully-clothed, she is the one to scream at him.

"Little boy? Come now Lily dear, you really don't mean that! I mean, I may be short in stature but I can say that-"

"Argh! I've had it up to HERE with your antics Potter! If you don't leave this instant, I swear I will murder you right now with this…" she looks down into her hand, "this…eyelash curler…" Well, there goes the prestige of her threat. Meanwhile, I stand watching the scene, not really caring that I am not fully clothed.

"If anyone's got a right to be screaming at me, it's KK's! She's standing there in her underwear for Merlin's sake!"

Do I bloody care? No, it's James. James is like my brother. However, this is the moment when Mr. Black happens to bound into our room. He trips over Lily's large box of hair accessories, and falls onto my bed. He is staring directly up at me. He does have such nice eyes. Too bad that I am distracted by them and don't happen to notice that…

"KK's it seems that you have quite a large tear on your-"

My eyes must have widened to the size of apples, because I suddenly realized that I was standing in my underwear, and Sirius Black was not even three feet away from me.

"AAAHHHHH! GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW YOU PEEPING TOMS!" It is the very first time that I have ever screamed at any of the Mauraders to get out of our dorm. However, it is also the first time that a particularly attractive Maurader has been in our dorm whilst I am not fully dressed.

As I threw my shirt over my head, my face burned with embarrassment. Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers had just seen my boobies! And he had actually _seen _my _actual_ boobies because of my stupid _old _bra with a _hole _in it!

Note to self, _always_ buy new clothes. Or steal new clothes from Lily, since she always seems to have lots. I cringe at the memory of the indecent skirt and sparkle tops. On second thought, nevermind. Perhaps I shall add 'new clothes' to the list of 'Things to Get in Hogsmeade While Being Followed Around by Lupin.'

"Now, wait a second ladies, we were just coming up to notify you that we will be a throwing a smallbash down in the common room starting round nine. We hope to see you there. That is all." And with a bow, Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers left the building-er-room.

Lilsies was simply livid. I swear, I have never seen her more angry. I mean, of course I actually have, seeing as Potter invading our privacy is a regular occurrence. Now do you understand why I simply did not care why Potter saw my underwear? It was not the first time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not as if the situation has never been reversed. I have regularly barged into the boys' dorms when they have been dressed less than decently…however, they really seem to care a lot less. And _that_ is because they are boys. Boys are stupid.

I believe the time that I have seen Lilsies the most angered ever was the time that the Balloon Boy interrupted her bubble-bath time. Oui, oui, that is tres right. James Potter did not only enter the girls' dormitory without permission, but he went straight into the bathroom whilst poor Lilsies was in the middle of her meticulous bathing ritual.

He claimed he was just borrowing moisturizer.

Needless to say, Lilsies was livid. She was Livid Lilsies. There was much shouting and throwing of toiletry products.

Which Lilsies made Balloon Boy pay to replace later, of course.

But to be fair, perhaps I should mention that when Potter snuck up to the dorm he said this to me.

**Flashback: **

_This particular incident occurred around the middle of fifth year. It was a cold winter morning, and I, studious girl that I am, was reading. Well, fine, so maybe reading Witch Weekly does not count as being studious, but still, I was busily reading on my bed. This is the moment when I hear the door to our dormitory creak open. I raised my eyes to see none other than James Potter._

"_Hey KK's! Watcha reading?"_

"_Witch Weekly. You're lucky Lilsies' isn't here. She'd kill you. How many times will she have to hex you, and throw you back down the stairs for you to realize that despite you being in my good books, this room is not safe for you?"_

"_Relax; I'm not here to spy on Lilsies. Though, just a pointer, if you ever do want to spy on her, there's now a false panel in that wall over there thanks to my handiwork."_

"_Yes, because I'm sure stalking and spying on Lilsies is going to make her fall in love with you rather than make her instate a restraining order. And if you're not here to spy on Lilsies, what IS your purpose? You are NOT stealing any more of her clothes! I got in big trouble for that!"_

"_How'd you get in trouble?"_

"_Well, she thought I borrowed her clothes and didn't put them back. Like always of course, but she did get angry when they were still missing after a MONTH! I'm still going to get you back for that you know!"_

"_Ah. Well, I'm actually here for you. I was wondering if you had some moisturizer I could borrow."_

_I snorted. "Moisturizer?"_

_James shifted, blushing just the slightest bit. "I have a dry T-zone! It's not my fault!"_

_"Unfortunately-" I was about to tell James that right now, Lilsies was in the bathroom, practicing her bathing ritual, when a simply brilliant idea came to mind. And a cause for mayhem should never be turned down. "Unfortunately, I don't have anything like that, but Lilsies probably does. It'll be in the cupboard in the bathroom." I said, in a sugary voice._

_Balloon boy stupidly strode across the room, walking right to his own doom, "Where is dear Lilsies anyway?I haven't seen her in ages!"_

_I quietly crept off my bed, not wanting to be in the line of fire for the war that would certainly be waged within the next ten seconds, "You saw her yesterday you poor, poor fool. And as for where she has run off to I couldn't-"_

_Potter opened the door to the bathroom._

_"AHHHHHH! POTTER! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"_

_"Erm…borrowing moisturizer?"_

**End Flashback.**

I smiled at the lovely memory. Lilsies never did find out that it was me who set that whole incident up. And it shall remain that way for as long as I wish to live. I was wretchedly snapped back to reality by Lilsies whining. Honestly, what does she have to whine about? It's not as if Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers just saw her boobies!

"I cannot believe that Potter!"

"Well, then you must be incredibly stupid, because he's been invading our dorm for a year already! Get with it woman!"

"I must report him to McGonagall. I swear, this time will be the last."

Oh god. There she goes. Off on her 'disciplinary' speech. She will be running off to McGonagall any minute. Potter, and I suppose this time Black, will get another detention to add to their scoreboards, and then, the whole routine will start over next week. I have listened too many times to bother again. "As interesting as that sounds, I'll just be going."

She didn't even hear what I said! She didn't even notice when I walked right out of the dormitory! She didn't even do her little screechy good-luck thing that she does for every date-like outing I go on! I mean, it's not as if this is actually a date, but in her mind, it _is_, and that's what counts!

Perhaps Balloon Boy has finally made Lilsies crack.

He has beaten me to my own life's goal, which is to drive Lilsies permanently mad!

A/N: Well? Did you like it? I hope so. I promise there actually is a plot. Please **_REVIEW_** and tell me what you think!


	3. Knickers, Lippy, and Heels: A Recipe for

So, I was patiently-not, waiting outside the statue of the one-eyed witch, waiting for Lupin to show up. As if I was not miffed enough that I was apparently not trustworthy enough to go shopping myself, now, my 'body guard', so to speak, was late.

Only girls are ever allowed to be late. I don't know why, only that it's true.

Finally I saw the poor boy rounding the corner, however, as soon as he caught sight of me, his head vanished again. No, I don't mean his head vanished, as in vanished. That would be impossible-well…not, but you know what I mean! I saw his head disappear back around the corner.

Alright, tree deep breaths. Must not punch wall. No, seriously, last time I tried to let out my stress that way, I ended up with a fist full of bruised knuckles. I glanced down at my wrist watch.

Then I remembered that Lily had taken away my wrist watch, because, apparently it is 'tacky'. She's quite the Mussolini, isn't she? A dictator, and obsessed with fashion, something you could only assume all Italians are, since they're all like 'we have Milan' and all that blah. It must surely be almost half past seven by now! If I am late to the party tonight because of Lupin, I shall personally castrate him! Well…maybe not personally, I'm not sure if I want to 'go down there,' but I shall employ someone to do it for me! Possibly Lily…make her pay for my torture.

I kicked off the ridiculous shoes that Lily had forced me into before I left. Really, shoes with points on the bottom are just asking for trouble. On second thought, I picked them up of the ground, chucked one in my handbag, and held the other in my hand. The points might prove to be useful if needed in warfare with the stupid git who first decided to stalk me, then kept me waiting. This was getting ridiculous, what the eff could he be doing hiding behind the corner?

I was about to round the corner, when Lupin flew into me. He knocked me right over, and fell on top of me. I don't care how skinny that bloke is, any six-foot person crashing on top of a just-over-five-foot one (I know, shut p, shut up, SHUT UP!) must hurt considerably, as you can imagine. I was nearly suffocating under his red sweater vest by the time he pulled himself up. I quickly stood up, not bothering to brush off my clothes as, first of all, they were Lily's and, secondly, I never do anyway. I did the first thing that came to mind, and that is saying, a mind which is angry it has just been knocked to the floor by a very not punctual boy.

I whacked him with the pointy-shoe-of-death.

"Ow! Kayla! What are you doing! Stop it! My mum made this sweater vest, and I imagine she would be very upset if I came home for Christmas with it all full of holes!"

"Well, I have every right! How dare you make me stand here waiting! I would have just gone ahead on my own if I wasn't such a curteous person! Something you are obviously not! You realize that I have been waiting for half an hour? The world does not stand still for you Remus Lupin, we have many things to buy! Ew… I just sounded like Lily!"

"Kayla, it's 6:58"

"Oh…"

"I'm sorry I crashed into you." He turned red, and was staring at the floor.

"What is it?" I asked, peering at the same spot on the floor. I don't know what could possibly be interesting about carpet. Well, there was something that looked like a boogie over in the corner. Boys and their boogies.

"Huh?"

"Oh god, never mind. Let's go then Mr. I-will-save-you-from-the-evilness-of-Hogsmeade-which-does-not-exis-by-the-way!." Boys and their stupid lack of short-term memory. Was Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers like this? I certainly hope not, or I shall have to commit suicide. For the one thing that I love shall not be tainted by repulsive boy-ness.

Remus tapped the witch's hump with his wand, and it slid aside to give us people that are not made of stone access to the passage hidden beneath. The twenty-minute walk that followed to the cellar of Honeydukes lasted what seemed like a whole week. Lupin kept staring at the ground and fidgeting. Honest to god, he was worse than a five-year old made to sit in church! First he started by playing with the collar of his sweater vest. After he got bored of that he started scuffing his shoes on the ground in a strange way that nearly landed him on his face several times. Then he fiddled with the buttons on his red sweater vest. Finally one popped off, and he just watched it fall to the ground. He kept walking, so I asked, "Don't you want your button?"

"I can erm…no…I…um…" I think he mumbled something, but I couldn't hear.

"What?"

He cleared his throat, and continued staring at the ground. "I can make…um….a...new one."

I was, of course, very confused by this statement. How does one make buttons? Unless of course, they own a button factory. "Do you poop buttons or something? I would think that they would be rather hard to 'make' seeing as they are made of melted plastic, and I don't often see equipment suitable for melting and molding plastic lying around Hogwarts."

Lupin stopped. He did a strange kind of shuffle in a circle, then walked back to pick up his button. He reached down to put it in his pocket, but, then realized he had no pockets. He waved it around in front of him for a few seconds before letting out a sigh. I sighed in return, and looked down at my watch.

Not there, of course.

"Lupin come here!" he shuffled over to me, and I realized his face was quite red. "Are you alright? Do you have a fever? Maybe you should go back and see Madam Pomfrey!"

"No…I…erm" Oh, this was getting ridiculous.

"Fine. Give me your button!" after he handed it to me, I muttered a spell and stuck it back on his shirt. I turned on my heel, and was about to begin walking again when Lupin spoke. And he actually used full sentences this time.

"Kayla…Did you just glue my button onto my shirt?"

I sighed. Men and their perfectionism! "I'm not a bloody housewife! I don't carry needles and thread in my purse! And even if I did, it's not as though I know how to use them! Stop being so bloody sexist!"

He looked taken aback for some reason. "I-where did you get that from? But…the glue's all sticky and it's dripping down onto my pants!"

I rolled my eyes. What else does he expect from me? Does James not tell people _anything _about me? Then I had an idea. "I thought you were intelligent!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well, then you should know how do perform a simple drying charm!"

"Oh…that." Remus took out his wand and prodded his sticky button with his wand. It promptly burst into flames, the rest of his sweater vest also catching fire. Ooops. Should I have told him that the glue can sometimes have that side affect when magically dried?

"Ahhhh! Kayla help me!"

I guess so. But he was just being so annoying… "Augumenti!"

There. No damage done. With the exception of Lupin's singed sweater vest. Oh well, his mum can make him another one. "Onward!" Lupin looked a bit put-off that I had made him burn his precious sweater vest, but I didn't care seeing as he wasn't supposed to be there anyway. We remained silent until I climbed up the ladder to Honeydukes.

Lupin stared at my feet as he climbed up onto the floor of the cellar. "Where are your shoes?"

I reached into my handbag and pulled out one of the evil shoes descended from Satan. I was throwing the rest of the contents in my bag every which way in search for the other. Then I realized. I must have left it on the ground after I had chucked it at Lupin. "Well, I have one shoe! That's better than nothing!"

Lupin stared at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh come on, lets get going!" we tip-toed out the back door of Honeydukes into the back alley behind the store. I made my way painfully down the gravel road towards Wendy's Witchwear. I stopped when I got a pebble stuck between my toe. Lupin stopped and observed as I pulled it out. Honestly, what great a help would he be if I did get attacked? He would probably just sit and watch. "Fat load of help you are!" I growled.

Lupin looked scared. "I…what…um"

I stood and crossed my arms. "Well?"

Lupin slowly slipped his foot out of his trainer. He was wearing wolly pink socks. Yes, pink. I frowned and raised one monstrosity as he picked it up and handed it to me. He was handing me his trainer. I screwed up my face and screamed, "No!"

Lupin jumped backwards and tripped over his feet. He jumped back up and dusted off his bottom. "What…what do you want? I don't get it!" he spluttered.

"Well, excuse me, best-friend-of-James-Potter, but I was under the impression that you were capable of a simple conjuring spell!"

"A..a conjuring spell?"

"Yes, a conjuring spell, you dunce! If I could conjur myself up shoes, do you think I would be walking around in my old loafers from K-mart?" **I don't know what the British-land equivalent of Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Zellers, ect is. Help sil vous plait!**

"Oh. Well, I suppose I could have thought of that. Sorry."

"Oh it's alright. Just some comfy shoes is fine. God, a man must have invented high-heels, because no sane woman would have!"

Lupin conjured me up a nice comfy pair of trainers. They fit perfectly, and we set off back down the passageway.

"If you hate high-heels so much, then why did you wear them?" Lupin asked.

"Oh, well, Lilsies made me. She truly IS evil."

"Why would she make you wear high-heels?"

"Well, she had this ridiculous notion that I was going on a _date_ with you. I really have no clue where her mad mind comes up with these things." I said with a laugh.

"Oh." Lupin mumbled with his head down. By now, I had completely stopped even pondering the strange body language of boys, or, Lupin for that matter. If he wanted to walk around with his nose in the dirt, then that was fine by Kayla Karen-Kasha Kyhruzolpakovski.

"So where-"

"We're going to Wendy's Witchwear. I need some shirts, jewelry, make-up, nice knickers, and something I believe is called a 'mini skirt'."

"Well," he said, loosening the collar of his shirt, "that's some list. Why do you need all this stuff anyway? Why didn't you buy it over the summer?"

I glared at him. It's absolutely none of your business what I buy and why. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have you following me around so."

"Well, I apologize, but it does seem rather-"

"If you're going to insist on being so rude, then I'll have you know that I just happen to be wanting to finally embrace my femininity. Is that a problem?"

Lupin gulped as I yanked him inside the store. "No."

I proceeded to make Lupin as uncomfortable and embaressed as humanly possible. This included making him hold my bag of crap (aka Lilsie's dear handbag), and all of the clothes in the store. After I had found some suitable clothes for seducing Mr. Hot-and-Sexy-Trousers, I moved on to finding sexy knickers. Because sexy knickers are always good when you want to seduce someone. Right? And plus, it made Lupin even more uncomfortable.

I informed him of my bust-size, a quite perfect (in my opinion, anyway) 34C. Not small and pointy like Lilsies, but also not so large that they need a full-fledged harness to keep them under control, like Alice's. At first he just stood there, gazing at all the lady garments on the shelves, but after I yelled at him, he scurried off to a corner. I picked out a nice black knicker set, but it also came in red, my favourite colour. I couldn't decide, so I went to go find Lupin so he could do it for me. What else could teenage male body guards possibly be for?

I found him laden with a pile of bras, bustiers, and many types of knickers. A sales lady was piling even more on top of him. I picked up a pair knickers off of the top of the pile. They were wedgy knickers! I looked at them in utter disgust.

"Lupin! What in the name of Merlin gives you the idea that I would wear these?"

"I..she…no-"

"Lupin, they're PINK! They're effing PINK! And they have bloody lace and bows on them! Do you not know ANYTHING about me?"

"I-"

"Now these," I said, cutting him off while picking up a pair of purple wedgy knickers, "are more like me! Now, let me see, what you've got here…"

After sorting through the pile of knickers, large and small, I picked out three sets, including the purple wedgy knickers that Lupin had found. Lupin had muttered (after much threatening and violence on my part) that he thought the red knicker set suited me better. I also picked out a new polka-dot bra. There was a large pile of knickers strewn on the floor by the time we left the department to move on to the make-up counter.

Now, I knew that Lilsies had put some sort of paste on my face to make it look all perfect and whatnot, and I had to admit, it would have been rather nice if she hadn't piled on sparkles on top of it.

"Excuse me, but I need some face paste please." I said. A rather large witch looked down imposingly at me from the counter.

"Face paste? I beg your pardon…"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You know…that mushy stuff you rub on your face to make everything look all..like…smoothe and stuff!"

The lady looked at me. "I'm gonna give you some of Mrs. Mendall's Magical Matte Mouse. It matches to your skin tone and lasts for 24 hours. Won't come off for nothing, so you don't got to worry about it melting off. Now, I'm warning you, when I say won't come off for twenty four hours, well, I actually mean it. So you be careful. Ya hear? Ya hear girl?"

"Uh-huh." I hadn't really been listening. As usual, but instead staring at the pippy display.

Now…how bad could it be to highlight my not-so-bad mouth to draw attention away from the monstrocities? Not bad indeed…

Lupin was standing at the perfume counter smelling different bottles when I asked the sales lady for a tester tube.

"Well, I'm sorry girl, but that stuff's Mrs. Mendall's Luscious Lippy. Lasts 24 hours. Can't get it off for nothing. Not even magical make-up remover takes off her stuff. She's a clever lady, that Mrs. Mendall. Well…I hear there is one way but-"

"But how will I know what that stuff will look like if I can't test it? Lilsies lippy never looks as nice on me cause she's paler!"

"Sorry."

"Achooo!"

I looked over to see Lupin having a sneezing fit over at the perfume counter. The sales lady over there didn't look at all pleased. I wouldn't be either if some icky boy was getting his germs all over my clean, shiny counter.

Then I got the wonderful idea that had seemed ever so wonderful at the time, but really wasn't so wonderful in afterthough-well, maybe it was. I still don't know. Anyway, I realized that Lupin had pretty much the same skin colour as I do, so…

Oh yes, I sure did I tell you. I was a very naughty girl that night!

"Excuse me, could I please have a tube of…erm…Promiscuous Plum?" I asked, giggling at the name.

"Well, that's kind of bold don't you think, maybe you'd like something a bit more-"

"No, I want Promiscuous Plum please." I said, smiling deceivingly innocently.

"Nine sickles, eleven knuts."

Well, that was a hefty lot to pay for a prank. But…if it would stop Potter from ever sending his friends tagging along after me forever then…what the heck! I quickly handed over the money

"Now, girl, as I was saying, some say that there is one way to make that stuff come off. Interested in knowing are you?"

"Oh no. I think I'll be fine. Thanks though." I replied, waving at her as I went to go fetch Lupin.

"Hey Lupin, I have one more thing I want your opinion on," I whispered, grasping his shoulder with my left hand. I could have sworn that he jumped about two feet in the air.

"Ye-what? You-you scared me."

"Oh, well, see I'm not sure if it will actually suit me, but you have a similar complexion to me, no?" I pushed off the lid of the lippy in my right hand, and prepared to strike.

"Well, yes, I'd say so, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"I don't exactly want to try it out myself, because I don't want to walk around looking all funny, like I have bruised lips or something…"

"Bruised lips? Why would you-ARGH! BHKKJSUBG! PHUGUH!" Lupin flailed his arms wildly as I pounced on him, but to no avail. When I stepped back, I observed a very…purple Lupin. See…in all his flailing, I kind of…did a sloppy job, and by sloppy, I mean, it looked like not only did the insane boy put on purple lippy, but purple blush, and purple…erm…nose make-up?

"Bleh. What…what was that? Did you…no you didn't! Tell me you didn't! What is that stuff?" he asked in panic pointing to the now squashed tube of lippy.

I beamed. "Mrs. Mendall's Luscious Lippy in Promiscuous Purple!"

Lupin stared at me with his purple mouth hanging open. He rubbed at his face with his hand, seeing no marks on his hand, he spit on his fingers (Eeewww) and wiped at his mouth area. Still seeing no progress, the victim spoke. "What the bloody hell is this stuff?"

"Lasts twenty-four hours. Not even magical make-up remover can remove it! Isn't it great?"

"Well, see the fact that I look like I was mugged, and have-oh yeah, what did you call it-Promiscuous Purple lippy all over my face doesn't make me feel too cheerful."

"You know what they say, only a real man can wear make-up!"

"Kayla, you don't even wear make-up!"

"What the bloody hell do you think all this sparkle crap is?"

"That's only there because Lily practically tied you to a chair to put it on you!"

"Yeah…so?"

"Kayla, this isn't funny! I can't go back to Gryffindor Tower like this!"

Kayla looked at the ground. It wasn't so funny now that Lupin actually seemed upset. She hadn't meant to upset him, he wasn't _actually_ that bad. He had been very nice to her the whole evening. Now she actually felt guilty. "Well…that lady over there had said that there was some way to make it go away. A rumor or something."

"Well, what is it?" he asked expectantly.

"How am I supposed to know? It's not as though I wanted to sit through some stupid theory about how to take off lippy! I have better things to do with my precious time!"

"Like putting lippy all over sixteen-year-old boys' faces?"

I laughed. Remus-yes I referred to him as Remus, it was the least I could do after publicly humiliating him, actually had a sense of humor. We walked together up to the make-up counter. The lady who had sold me the lippy was busy with another customer, so we waited for her to finish. She turned around with her big fake smile on her face, but it slid right off when she saw Remus's face. She crossed her arms and frowned at me. I looked guiltily at the ground. I felt like a five-year old getting scolded.

"Yes? Having some trouble with the lippy?"

"Um…I was wondering if you might be willing to inform us of the one way that might possibly remove this stuff from his face?"

Remus was darting his eyes around. He was blushing a deep shade of red, which actually suited the lippy very well.

"Well, girl, what is the single best way to get rid of lippy?"

I quirked a monstrosity. "But you said that even magical make-up remover-"

I thought my eyes would pop out of my skull when she answered, and I heard Remus give a small squeak.

"No, no hun. By the single best way to get rid of lippy, and the one way that may remove that particular lippy, I mean snogging."


End file.
